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Sometimes It Can Be That Easy

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.             Proverbs 3:5
 
     My new obsession is 409 Carpet Spot and Stain Remover.  Until now, I’ve been lucky if I got around to vacuuming my rugs, never mind cleaning the spots.  In fact, other than my sister coming with her carpet shampooer when I was pregnant five years ago and in “high nesting mode,” I’ve never cleaned my rugs at all in the seven years we’ve lived here.  Truthfully, I haven’t cared one bit.
     But last week we were expecting overnight guests.  It’s always when I’m having company that I see things in a new light.  Suddenly the stains in the guest bedroom carpet were glaring.  So I dug under my kitchen sink and came up with 409 Carpet Spot and Stain Remover that I have no recollection of ever buying.  I didn’t really have time to read the directions, but thought I saw a drawing on the bottle of dabbing the stain with a cloth after spraying it.  That seemed like way too much work, and more time than I had.  So I took the easy route: I just sprayed the spots, let it be, and then vacuumed later.  Holy smokes – it worked!  The stains were gone!  It was that easy!
     There have been some major struggles with my kids over the years that were like the stains in my carpets:  they would start out small, going unnoticed by me because my attention was elsewhere, and suddenly, one day, they became so glaring, I was pulling my hair out.
     Zack never like to read aloud,  But in third grade he flat out refused to do the teacher assigned reading aloud for twenty minutes each night.  Consequently, he fell an entire grade level behind in reading.
     Mason has always been sweet, but he’s also always been VERY slow.  It hit the “glaring” phase in second grade when he was taking more than twenty minutes each morning just to change his clothes.  That doesn’t sound like that big of a deal, but there’s only so much time before school.  Consequently, we were almost missing the school bus every morning last year (and in fact, did miss it at least 10 times).
     Unlike the rug stain situation where I used the correct thing on the very first try, I wasn’t as lucky with my kids’ problems.
     In Zack’s case, I spent lots of money on books that I thought would interest him, even more money on a NOOK with a microphone so he could practice reading aloud by himself, took him to the library to choose books on his own, etc.  In Mason’s case, I raced him myself, did sticker charts with rewards and prizes, you name it.  All of my time, effort, and investments solved absolutely nothing.  Both kids were still struggling, and all three of us were completely frustrated.  The only trick left up my sleeve was to finally turn to God.  I had no choice but to hand it all over to Him in prayer, and let it be.
     On the first parent teacher conference of Zack’s fourth grade year, I was stunned when the teacher said that he was reading at a fifth grade level.  It made absolutely NO sense to me.  He left third grade at a second grade level.  HOW, in just a few short months, did he jump two whole grade levels?  Although I was utterly thrilled, I was completely baffled.  A few nights later, after the boys were supposed to be asleep, I heard lots of talking.  Right before I turned the door knob to tell them to settle down, it became clear to me that Zack was reading aloud to his brother.  When I asked Zack if he read to his brother every night, he said yes, and that he had been doing so since the summer.  There was no doubt in my mind that he was divinely inspired.  I had turned the problem over to God, sprayed it with prayer, let it be, and Zack was prompted to solve the problem himself.  Sometimes it can be that easy!
     Five weeks into this summer, Mason came down first thing in the morning completely dressed for the day.  To say I was pleasantly surprised is an understatement!  When I asked him where he got the idea from, he answered, “I don’t know.”  Again, there was no doubt in my mind that he was divinely inspired.  He has come down every morning since, fully dressed, sometimes with his face washed and teeth brushed too!  I had turned it all over to God, sprayed it with prayer, let it be, and Mason was prompted to solve the problem himself.  Sometimes it can be that easy!
     When I see a rug stain now, I immediately run for the stain remover.  In fact, I’ve gone through a can and a half in just one week!  My carpets have never looked so good.
     As quickly as I reach for that spray can, I need to reach for God with all the other problems that come my way.  I know God helps those who help themselves, and I can be resourceful.  But God is The Source.  When things are beyond me, they are never beyond Him.  I need to trust Him with all my heart.  I need to lean on His understanding, not on my own.  It may take time, more time that I’m willing to wait, but for the problem to be solved correctly, it has to be solved on His time frame, not mine.
     So, here’s to turning those unsolvable problems over to God, spraying them with prayer, patiently waiting, and having them seemingly solve themselves.  Sometimes it can be that easy!
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Have you had any situations that seemed unsolvable, only to turn them over to God, and, like magic, they were solved?  I’d love to hear about them.
Posted by at 1:28 PM

4 comments:

  1. This post is such an inspiration Claire. It is not always easy for the control freak in me to lean on others and the stubborn side of me always wants to try to solve it myself. This is a great reminder to lean on God and turn it over to him when we are struggling through an issue. I have an issue with Z right now that I am going to turn over.

    Reply

  2. So sorry to hear that you’re struggling with something with Z. I’ll throw my prayers into that mix as well. I’m sure He’ll turn it around greater than you ever anticipated 🙂

    Reply

  3. Thanks for this wonderful post, Claire!
    There are too many situations to count where I asked God to solve my problems, and He always has. I can’t think of a single situation when my prayers were not favorably answered. Not always as fast as I hoped for, but as you said, “For the problem to be solved correctly, it has to be solved on His time frame, not mine.” He solved my problems and rescued me from an unhealthy marriage, saved me from a horrible boss with a better job instead, solved my financial worries with a raise at work (several raises!), and has miraculously answered my prayers to heal back pain and other health issues, just to name a few!
    I love that you added God helps those who help themselves. Having faith in Him to take care of us is not an excuse to be lazy and fail to work for what we want.
    And thanks for the tip about 409 carpet cleaner, too! I can’t wait to try that.

    Reply

  4. It’s wonderful to hear that God has answered so many of your prayers, Deborah! You inspire me to turn to Him more consistently, trusting that He is always there, and is always listening.

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Pleasant Places

The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places…   Psalm 16:8
     I’m a huge “list person” with lists for the day, week, season and year.  I also created a checklist for my kids to cut down on the chaos of getting ready in the morning.  Their checklist is actually laminated and hangs in the bathroom where they get ready.  It has helped them become more independent, and has completely saved my sanity!  The final item on the list is “hug mommy.”  It is a wonderful way to transition from “work” to “free time” before the school bus comes, or before we head out together for the day.
     Although my husband will say that I’m a complicated woman with all my lists, and my many other quirks, I do have very simple pleasures.  I also don’t have to travel somewhere tropical or exotic to find “pleasant places.”
     One of the most “pleasant places” for me is in my bedroom, door closed, scented candle lit, Bible open, journal ready, eating hot oatmeal and drinking coffee.  While sitting in the same spot every time, my “prayer seat,” I gaze at the cross and find deep peace and connection with God.
     After years of being bogged down with raising little ones, my husband and I have finally found a rhythm that allows each of us to escape and become our own person again.  Saturday mornings he is “on deck” with the kids and I get to retreat to my bedroom sanctuary to pray and write.  Sunday mornings I’m “on deck” with the kids and he goes off on long runs, and then to a coffee shop with his running friends.
     As a result of my choosing to have my “me time” in the house, rather than at a coffee shop or at the gym, it has taken years to establish the boundary that when “mommy is having her alone time” my kids, or my husband, can’t just barge in to tell me whatever is on their minds in that moment.  I recall an actual fight with my husband where I got ugly, screaming that if he didn’t help maintain the boundary of my prayer space, I was going to load up the kids in the mini-van on Sunday, find his running route, and stop him at mile seven of his ten mile run, breaking his stride, just to tell him that we were out of batteries.  After that fight my sanctuary was restored, the boundaries were firm, and my prayer time became reverent and fruitful.
     However, recently, that has all changed!  Maybe it was the relaxed nature of summer, I don’t know.  But suddenly my kids are barging in to “hug mommy” at the end of their morning checklist.  As sweet as that sounds, it’s like a band of screaming banshees charging through a yoga studio in the middle of a meditation class.  It completely shatters my concentration and severs the line of communication I’m having with God in that moment.  It sets me back and I spend the rest of my alone time trying to find that place of peace again, that connection with God.
     So today, when Mason came in to “hug mommy” at the end of his checklist, and sneak in two or three other things he wanted to tell me, I told him firmly that from now on he needed to wait until I came out of my alone time to hug me.  I then asked him to repeat the same message to Zack and Jocelyn so I wouldn’t be interrupted two more times.  As he left, I heard him yell down the hallway, “Zack and Jocelyn – Mommy doesn’t want to be hugged.” I felt like the worst mother in the world!  What mom wants to send the message to her kids that she doesn’t want to be hugged?  The remainder of my alone time was spent in guilt, arguing with myself:  Everyone needs alone time to refuel and recharge.  Doing so makes me a better mother, right?  Even Jesus routinely went away by Himself to pray.  So why do I feel so awful?  Why am I so filled with guilt?  What happened to the “pleasant” feeling I had before Mason came in?
     That was it – the word “pleasant” was the key to the answer.  Although “the boundary liness have fallen for me in pleasant places” because my husband is so supportive of my alone time, I didn’t define those boundaries “pleasantly” with Mason.  Instead, I was quick with my words because I wanted him to leave as quickly as possible.
     It is completely fine to establish boundaries, in fact it’s the healthiest thing we can do for ourselves, and everyone around us.  However, how we establish those boundaries is critical.  If I’m too quick and stern with my kids, they might maintain the boundaries, but it will be out of fear.  If I’m loosey-goosey and lax with them, which I guess I was over the summer, the boundaries get blurred and my kids get the message that the lines have been changed or no longer exist.
     What I need to do is reestablish those boundaries “pleasantly,” lovingly, in terms my kids can understand.  I need to help them understand that we all have different needs, different ways of decompressing and rejuvenating.  I need to make the comparison for them:  Just like they need playdates every Friday to blow off steam, run wild, not have a routine and a schedule after a long week at school, I need alone time to reestablish my center, clear out the chaos of the week, and find that place where I can hear God.  They would completely flip out if I interrupted their playdate to tell them to do homework or some chores.  I would be derailing the story-line of the epic battle they were fighting, or breaking their concentration building the Lego creations they have envisioned in their minds.  Likewise, them charging in interrupts my journaling where I’m working through a problem or an issue, or severs the connection I have with God when I’ve finally reached my core in prayer.
     Once I can lovingly help them understand this, I know they will maintain my boundary lines out of respect and love, just as I do theirs.  Then, once again, “the boundary lines will fall for me in pleasant places.”
Posted by at 12:18 PM

4 comments:

  1. That’s where I went wrong… boundaries! It never occurred to me to explain to my kids that mommy needed alone time. I think after years of hoping for privacy in the bathroom, I was so elated when I won that battle, I just gave up on the rest.
    My kids are teenagers now, but they still have no problem barging in and interrupting me whether I’m working or praying. Maybe it’s not too late for me, Claire. I can still try to follow your plan!

    Reply

  2. Yeah – it wasn’t until this most recent experience, and having to blog about it, that I finally got that if I don’t explain the boundary and why it exists, I’m just going to be banging my head against the wall. It was actually a cool experience sitting down with the older two (with my little one jumping on the bed in the background) and comparing my alone time to their playdates. They got it completely!!! Let’s just hope they retain the lesson… and I continue to toe the line. 🙂

    Reply

  3. Great post, Claire! I love this:) I am a totally list-person too. I love my lists, and the hugs at the end are such a sweet idea! My kiddos are still very young…1, 3 and just turned 5, so personal time and space are not something they yet understand. Hopefully in the future. However, my husband and I do take turns letting one another sleep in on the weekends. Which is great:) Another wonderful piece of advice/writing:)

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  4. Thanks so much for your comments Liz! And I’m thrilled that you and your husband take turns with the “on deck” thing too. It makes all the difference in the world.

    Liz has a great blog called Simply Complex Mom. You can check it out at http://simplycomplexmom.blogspot.com.

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Greedy or Grateful?

When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some of it and ate from it.                    Genesis 3:6
     I know my kids are only little for a short while.  To capitalize on that, and the fact that they’re still happy to hang out with me, we do lots of “adventures” together, especially over the summer.  They have no idea where we are going, or whom it is with.  They just get in the car and off we go.  It has made for wonderful days and fabulous memories.
     The hazard of always trying to make things fun is kids always want more.  So for years now I’ve heard myself asking them, “greedy or grateful?”  The phrase is my attempt at teaching them to be conscious and appreciative of what we do, and what we have, and not to focus on what we don’t do, and what we don’t have.  Although it’s an ongoing lesson, I do feel that it is slowly sinking in to heart level for them.
     As always, the lessons I’m trying to teach my kids inevitably circle around and become the lessons I need to learn.  Consequently, during our family vacation this year, I fell head first into the greedy well.
     Due to a medical condition that was recently diagnosed, I am now aware of the fact that I can’t hold my arms up over my head for any length of time.  After saving for two years for this vacation, I wasted precious time looking on, green with envy, as people shrieked with nervous excitement riding the zip line, cheered in triumph as they conquered the ropes course, high-fived each other after spiking the volleyball, and smiled with satisfaction doing water aerobics.  All of my energy was focused on what I couldn’t do, not on what I could.  Without a doubt, I was greedy, not grateful.
     So was Eve.  We look at her life in the Garden of Eden and we’d switch with her in a heartbeat!  What we wouldn’t give for a life with no pain, no illness, fresh organic fruit at our fingertips, an extremely close relationship with God, and on and on.  Obviously Eve didn’t recognize how great she had it or she wouldn’t have wanted more, wouldn’t have been such an easy target for the tempting snake.
     I know that I am often blind to what I have, and only see the greener grass on the other side of the fence.  I too become an easy target for the tempting snake.  I forget that any third-world mother who is struggling to feed her kids would switch with me in a heartbeat.  I don’t think about the woman who has had failed invitro treatments, who, looking at my greener grass, would pay to have my life, medical restrictions and all, just to have any one of my three beautiful children.  I overlook the fact that there are people struggling to make ends meet who will never get to take a week’s vacation away with their family.  Although I don’t ever want to revel in other people’s misfortunes, I do sometimes need to be reminded that there are people facing challenges far greater than my own in order for me to get the right perspective.
     Fortunately God granted me that perspective early on in the vacation so that I could recognize what I was able to do, and be grateful for that.  As my husband and I took a Segway tour together through the Vermont hills, I kept my arms down and thanked God for the cool breeze on my face, the breathtaking green mountains surrounding us, and the most fun I’ve had as an adult in a very long time!
Posted by at 3:13 PM

6 comments:

  1. I really enjoyed this post, Claire! It’s a beautiful article with a beautiful perspective.

    Reply

  2. Thanks so much Deborah! You’re always so positive and so supportive. I really am “grateful” for that! 🙂

    Reply

  3. I very much enjoyed this post too Claire. You are an excellent writer and I always take something away from each of your posts xo

    Reply

  4. Thank you SO much for commenting! It means the world to me… and I’m very grateful for your kind words! 🙂

    Reply

  5. I totally had a greedy pouting session today, thanks for the perspective! God is faithful to give us more than we can ask for. :>
    I’m visiting from
    www. virtuouswomanexposed.com

    Reply

  6. So glad you visited and left a comment! It also helps me to know that I’m not alone… 🙂 That means so much. Thank you for that!

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A Mother’s Love Can Lead To Miracles

When the wine was gone, Jesus’ mother said to Him, “They have no more wine.”
“Dear Woman, why do you involve me?”  Jesus replied.  “My time has not yet come.”  
His mother said to the servants, “Do whatever He tells you.”     John 2:3-5
     A mother’s love can be so powerful!  Sure, we all make mistakes with our kids, and we worry that those mistakes will have a lasting effect.  But our children are human beings, being raised by human mothers.  Making mistakes is part of the package.  It’s what keeps us humble; it’s what keeps us real.
     But every now and then we should take stock of what we do right, how we surpass our own humanness.  We may never be the mother that Mary was to Jesus, but the depth of our love for our kids can mirror hers in some ways.  More importantly, believing in our children, like Mary believed in Jesus, and acting on that belief, can move us into the realm of the angels.
     In this Scripture passage, Mary was the intercessor, the instigator for Jesus’ first miracle ever.  She knew that the bride and groom would be embarrassed that the wine was all gone.  It takes a mother to see a problem approaching before it happens.  It takes a mother’s vision to see how to solve a problem before it becomes an issue.  Mothers also recognize their own children’s gifts, even if no else knows about them yet.
     What impacts me most in this passage, and what speaks to the area where I need the most work, is that Mary inspired Jesus through her role as mother, then stepped back, not micro-managing how Jesus was supposed to solve the problem.  She created the platform for His miracle, and then stepped aside.
         Don’t we all do this on a daily basis?  We help our kids with their projects, get them ready for their recitals, drive them to sports practices, feed them healthy meals to nourish their minds and bodies.  We guide and teach them constantly about right and wrong, responsibility, compassion, hard work, cooperation, respect, and all the other character traits that make them amazing people.  We identify their gifts and talents, and then nurture them, so they can grow into fruition.  But most of all, we pray to God for His help and guidance through it all; we intercede on behalf of our children.  Then we step aside and let our kids get the praise for a project well done, for a dance well danced, for being kind and loving people with wonderful skills and talents.
     As we swell with pride, they swell with self-esteem.  As they move through life with confidence and success, people put their faith in them, are drawn to them and to the light that they radiate.  As we step into the shadows, and they into that light, we can do so knowing that it was our “mother’s love,” combined with God’s grace, that set the stage, that did all the behind-the-scenes work, so that our children can go on to live out the gifts that they have been given, touching lives, performing miracles in their own ways.
Witnessing A Mother’s Miracle Making Love in Action
     I have a friend Jeanne who has two teenage daughters.  Her girls had a vision of creating “Princess Camp,” a week long endeavor where they would teach little girls virtues through the lives of the Saints and Disney Princesses.  Jeanne believed in her daughters whole-heartedly.  But more importantly, she acted on that belief, giving up two whole precious weeks this summer to support her daughters as they ran back-to-back camps, in two different parishes.  She also invested countless other hours overseeing the planning and prep segments of the camp.  Being a volunteer for one of those weeks, I witnessed first hand how Jeanne was present through it all, but always behind the scenes, always a support, always doing whatever it took to set the stage for her girls to shine.
     On the final day of Princess Camp, the little girls processed down the isle, one by one, to the front of the church hall.  Family and friends looked on as each girl was honored for the virtue she had demonstrated throughout the week.  Then each girl was given a wand and a tiara as she was crowned a “Princess of God.”
     One little girl had Cerebral Palsy, with plaster casts on both legs.  Despite those casts, this little girl was so excited to be crowned a Princess of God that she literally skipped down the isle to her coronation.  As she turned to face the audience, a smile beaming from ear to ear, I knew I was present to a miracle that all began with one mother’s love.
Posted by at 5:42 PM

2 comments:

  1. What a great article, Claire! Your friend Jeanne must be so proud of her daughters! What a fun and creative Princess Camp for God! I am touched by the story of the little girl with cerebral palsy so happy to get her tiara as a Princess of God. My blogger friend Betsy keeps a tiara on the windowsill in her kitchen so that when she does mundane chores, she is always reminded that she is a daughter of the King.
    On a different note, your son must be quite the athlete with all those trophies! I noticed the martial arts (Taekwondo?) belts displayed. Taekwondo is my favorite kid’s sport because of the tenets they teach.

    Reply

  2. Thanks so much for your comments Deborah! I LOVE the tiara on the windowsill idea. I think I’m going to break into my daughter’s dress-up box and steal a tiara to do the same!

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The Liebster Award

I’d like to send out a huge and sincere THANK YOU to Natasha at Gigggle Giggle Toot Roar for nominating me for The Liebster Award!  I am sooo thrilled and honored by this!  I am loving this blogging thing and am so touched that my brand new blog has been chosen.  Thanks a million Natasha!
To quote Natasha:
 “My understanding is that bloggers with followers under a certain threshold (somewhere between 200-2000) are nominated.  It’s a fun way to share a bit about yourself and learn about other newer bloggers too.  This is a cool and supportive venture; a way for the blogging community to show each other some love!
Here are the rules for receiving this award:
  1. Each person must post 11 things about themselves
  2. Answer the questions from the person who nominated you and create 11 new questions for those you nominate
  3. Nominate 5-11 of your favorite bloggers and link them in your post
  4. Go to their page and tell them
  5. Thank and link back to the person’s blog who nominated you”
I hereby accept the nomination with gratitude!  Below are my responses, nominees and questions:
 
11 Facts About Me:
1.  As a kid I wrote fan letters to Marie Osmond and Lindsay Wagner (The Bionic Woman).  I never heard back from either one of them.
2.  In college, my favorite salad was a mixture of cheetos and popcorn (not a vegetable or anything green in sight!).
3.  I’ve owned two horses in my life:  Chippie I boarded at a stable in Andover, MA.  Santiago I tethered to a stake in the ground in the remote village of San Ixtan, Guatemala where I lived for two years.
4.  Trying to go to the Fiesta De Paz, I arrived so late at the border of El Salvador that I had to sleep on top of a cotton truck for the night, waiting for the border to open the next day.
5.  After getting kicked off a train in Ireland, my friend and I tended bar for our room and board that night.
6.  I’ve never been to Disney World.
7.  I hiked an active volcano in Guatemala.  I would be furious with my kids if they ever attempted this!
8.  I have the same exact thing for breakfast 7 days a week, 365 days a year (oatmeal and coffee).
9.  I used to review Young Adult novels for Kliatt Magazine.
10.  I have a Noah’s Ark Closet:  when I find something I like, I buy it in two different colors.
11.  Until we had kids, my husband and I had a date every week where we would take turns planning the evening, surprising the other with the details as the date unfolded.
11 Questions From Natasha
1.  Why did you start your blog?
I started my blog as a way to further flush out, through my writing, what God was trying to teach me in the this journey of motherhood.  My hope is that it helps other moms see that Scripture does pertain to us and can be of great help and inspiration.
2.  How would you define a good leader?
One who inspires, not criticizes.
3.  What’s your biggest pet-peeve?
Being ignored by my kids or my husband.
4.  What’s your favorite meal?
Chicken pasta with sun-dried tomatoes and spinach.
5.  If you won a million dollars, what would you do with it?
I’d pay off our debt, establish college funds for my kids, and then start surprising friends and family with things they need the most.
6.  Describe yourself in one word.
Organized.
7.  If I spent a day in your shoes, what would it be like?
If it’s the summer, it’s a blast!  Every day is a different “adventure” with a different fun destination that I surprise my kids with.  If it’s the school year, it’s all routines, schedules, homework, housework and to-do’s.
8.  What’s the best thing that’s ever happened to you?
Becoming a mother.  Although I may complain and feel overwhelmed at times, the moments when I truly connect with my kids is the greatest gift I’ve ever been given!
9.  What’s your biggest fear?
Losing the ones I love.
10.  If you could meet anyone from the past, who would it be and why?
It would have to be Jesus.  Just having an hour in His presence would change me forever!
11.  Favorite candy?
I’m more of a “salt” girl and prefer cheetos (preferably 3 days old and soggy – go figure?!!!).
I hereby nominate the following bloggers for The Liebster Award:
Lauren at Camera Happy Mom
Leesha at Just Leesha
Questions for the Nominees:
1.  Who was your favorite teacher and why?
2.  Who are the five famous people (dead or alive) that you would invite to a dinner party?
3.  What’s one quirky thing about you that most people don’t know about?
4.  What would your “perfect day” entail?
5.  Where’s the place that brings you the most peace and why?
6.  What are your three most valuable possessions and why?
7.  How would your friends describe you?
8.  What’s one New Year’s Resolution that you never seem to fulfill?
9.  What’s your favorite movie and why?
10.  What are three items from your “bucket list?”
11.  What was your childhood dream for yourself?
I hope that you all accept this nomination and continue the momentum of paying it forward:  supporting each other, providing more exposure for each other, and spreading love and joy to each other.  It’s such an amazing experience to get so much encouragement from people I’ve never met face to face.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart!!!
Posted by at 7:52 PM

7 comments:

  1. Awesome! Loved learning more about you! I wish I liked oatmeal that much! 😉

    Reply

    Replies

  2. Thank you again, Natasha, for nominating me! It means the world!

  4. Congratulations, Claire! You have great content on your site. I’m glad Natasha recognized you and Shifting My Perspective. You deserve it!

    Reply

    Replies

  5. Thank you so much Deborah! I would have nominated your blog but Natasha beat me to it!

  7. This was so much fun, Claire!! Thank you for thinking of me, bringing your blog to my attention and allowing me to learn that we share a lot of the same perspectives on life 🙂
    http://www.simplycomplexmom.blogspot.com

    Reply

  8. Incredible. I loved your 11facts about yourself. You have a great sense poo f adventure.

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Overexposure

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven.      Ecclesiastes 3:1
     I’m not a good photographer.  Although I know that the light source is supposed to be behind me, rather than the subject(s) I’m photographing, I continue to break this rule.  The result is overexposure:  there is so much light that all color, all vibrancy, is washed out of my pictures.
     My Zack loves his little sister Jocelyn.  He intuitively knows what she needs and how to make her happy.  He is the first one to respond if she needs help.  He watches over her, and can play beautifully with her for hours.  Consequently, Jocelyn looks up to Zack as if he were a superhero.  When people witness their interactions, their hearts melt.  There is nothing sweeter than a loving and doting older brother, and a little girl who is smitten with her big brother.
     But lately Zack has been incredibly impatient with Jocelyn, and, at times, downright unkind.  I’ve been dumbfounded!  It seems to have come out of left field, like his very character has taken a 180 degree turn.  Where before I spent my time trying to eaves drop on their conversations, my heart swelling with pride at their kindness to each other, I now can’t help avoid the yelling and bickering between them.  My time is now spent refereeing, ironing things out between them, punishing Zack, and scratching my head, wondering when and why the change happened.
     I finally figured it out:  it’s overexposure.  Summer is the culprit.  Too much time together wears patience thin.  Although all the fun time we’ve been spending in the sunshine is a wonderful gift, it also has bleached out the color and vibrancy in their relationship.  Both kids are seeing each other in a new light, a light that seems to be more focused on the other’s annoying traits, versus their gifts.  It happens in all relationships; siblings are no exception.  (I’m sure most of us moms are feeling exactly the same way about our kids at this point in the summer too!)
     Although they do have to learn to accept each other’s flaws, right along with the good, it’s my job to shake things up a bit.  Like Ecclesiastes says, there is a time for everything; that includes time spent together and time spent apart.  Kahlil Gibran talks about “space in togetherness.”  I need to create more opportunities for Zack and Jocelyn to be apart from each other, make space between them, give them some distance from each other so their hearts can grow fonder again.  They’re relationship is too precious to not intervene.
     I’m trying hard to work on my photography skills.  Although my subjects get annoyed when I ask them to change places with me so that the light isn’t behind them, the effort and bother is worth it.  My pictures are getting better: the colors are richer, more vibrant because of the change.  Likewise, I know the effort and bother it will take to create space between Zack and Jocelyn will be worth it too:  restoring the love and admiration they share for each other, bringing that vibrant color of love back into my household.
Posted by at 7:13 AM

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Grateful For Second Chances

” ‘No,’ he answered, ‘because while you are pulling the weeds, you may root up the wheat with them.’ ”              Matthew 13:29
     My eight-year-old son Mason is a very passionate and creative kid.  However, he moves slower than molasses with everything:  brushing his teeth, eating a meal, walking down the stairs.  He doesn’t mean to hold everyone up, or slow down any process.  It’s just that he’s a day-dreamer:  he gets lost in the clouds all the time.  You and I know that walking down the stairs is just an action to get from here to there.  For Mason, it’s a chance to hop on two feet, then on one foot.  Then there’s the opportunity to stop and size up whether he could slide down the banister without getting injured or in trouble.  Instead, it occurs to him that he’s had a growth spurt recently.  Now that he’s half-way down the steps, maybe with his longer legs he could climb up three steps at a time.  So he gives that try.  Consequently, he regresses, instead of progresses, and he’s right back where he started.  We were five minutes late picking Zack up from karate before.  Now we’re ten minutes late!
     In exchange for taking my kids on fun “adventures” every day during the summer, I require that they write and draw a picture about the day’s adventure in their journals.  Although Mason’s great imagination makes him a wonderful writer and artist, historically it has also meant a painfully long time journaling.  His brother Zack has always been a “get it done so I can have fun” kid.  Twenty minutes into it and Zack’s writing, drawing and coloring were completed.  Then he was off either using his thirty minutes of screen time on the computer, or playing with Legos.  An hour later, Mason was still writing away and adding details to his pictures that were already museum worthy.
     In years past, I’ve ended up pushing Mason, rushing him to get it done.  There was always some other fun activity to do, or dinner to eat, or a shower to be taken.  Moreover, when his brother was off playing on the computer or with Legos, Mason slowed down even more, distracted by what game Zack was playing or what structure he was building.  Despite lots of creative problem solving ideas, it usually ended up ugly: Mason still going as slow as a snail, with tears in his eyes, and me, frustrated beyond measure.
     My prayer was that this summer it would be better, easier, now that Mason is a year older.  He had to journal in class every day this past school year.  I was hoping that that too would contribute to a big improvement.
     There was a bit of a rocky start this June, but all in all, Mason was getting the journaling done in a timely manner!  I was so excited to move on to the next thing that I wasn’t paying attention to the finished product.  I was just happy that it was getting done.
     Recently, I looked at his writing and drawings from this summer.  I compared them to years past and my heart plummeted.  There was no comparison.  This year’s writing was brief and sloppy.  This year’s pictures were vague and void of any detail.  I was devastated!
     I wasn’t wise like the farmer in this parable.  I didn’t realize that rushing and pushing Mason so much would crush his spirit, eliminate any and all detail in his writing and drawings.  I rooted up the wheat while pulling the weeds!  But worse than a farmer ruining one season’s crops, I had stifled the greatest gifts my son had to offer:  creativity, joy and passion.  In my opinion, there’s nothing more unforgivable that a mother can do!
     Fortunately for me, God, and children, are amazingly forgiving.  Once I realized my error, I went to God in prayer, asking for the solution, and to Mason, asking for forgiveness.
     The great news is, there is a happy ending to this story.  After implementing a combination of ideas that came to me in my prayer time (thanks God!), and just being downright honest about what I had done and what I had learned with Mason, he is back to his old happy, imaginative, pie-in-the-sky self.  To confirm that all is well, when I told him how much I love that he sees joy in everything, his emphatic response was, “But there is joy in everything!”  I can’t tell you how grateful I am for second chances!
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I still haven’t figured out how to completely strike a balance between nourishing Mason’s free spirit, yet preparing him for a world that has deadlines.  If you have any suggestions and/or tips, I’d love to hear them!

Posted by at 1:59 PM

6 comments:

  1. Great article, Claire! It sounds like you are doing a wonderful job raising your children, nourishing their talents while still making them aware of time constraints and deadlines in life. I’m sure your son will be able to transition between taking his time at home and making the deadlines for his work at school.
    I’m happy I found your blog today! I’ve enjoyed reading several of your posts. I too have enjoyed many Adventures with my kids! It’s nice to “meet” a kindred spirit!

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  2. I’m so touched by your comments, Deborah! Your kind words mean a lot! I too am glad you found my blog. It helps me to know that I’m not alone on this journey… 🙂

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  3. I love how you find a way to translate Scripture to your daily life! I have a son like your Mason, (ex. When he was four and playing soccer on a team he would often watch as the ball rolled by and do nothing; he was busy day dreaming. One day the ball rolled right to him and onto his feet. He looked down, stepped over the ball and put his arms out like an airplane and pretended to take flight over the ball. A woman beside me, not knowing he was my son, asked if he was on drugs.) I had years of frustration because a clock and time had no meaning to Corey. Today he is in high school, still slower than my other children, but he gets it all done. He is creative and thriving. As parents we make mistakes, but as long as our kids know we love them and value them, and remind them their gifts are from God and God wants them to use them, their true spirits will shine.

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  4. Love your story about Corey! It gives me hope that Mason can keep going at his own pace, maintaining his phenomenal outlook on life, and still succeed in life. Thanks so much for sharing Elaine!

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  5. Every child develops at their own pace. He will figure it all out….especially with all of your love and guidance. 🙂

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  6. Thanks Pam! You are ALWAYS so supportive and positive. I really appreciate it!

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Running Through It All

“For from Him, and through Him, and to Him are all things.”    Romans 11:36
     I participated in MOPS for the first time this past year.  MOPS stands for Mothers of Pre-Schoolers.  It is a Christian based group that meets every other week during the school year.  While our children were being cared for by loving volunteers, we moms ate delicious food, listened to presenters, and discussed mother-related themes in an environment filled with support and inspiration.
     For our last session of the year we did an arts and crafts project:  making a bird’s nest necklace out of beads and wire.  When the volunteers brought our kids into the gathering space at the end of the session, my four-year-old daughter Jocelyn immediately began examining my necklace.  A big smile broke across her face when I  told her that she was the turquoise bead in the nest.  She then began rapid firing questions at me:  Which bead was Zack?  Which bead was Mason?  She caught me off guard a bit when she asked me where I was.  I fumbled for a minute, and then said that I was the nest surrounding the three beads.  When she asked me where Daddy was, again I scrambled, and said that he was the chain.
     As I drove home, I kept thinking about my necklace and how rich and deep the symbolism goes.  The different colored beads represent how uniquely different my three kids are, yet all are just as fragile as the paper-thin eggs they represent.  Each child has his/her own beauty, but like the beads, none of them is perfect.  They each have their individual challenges to overcome, lessons to be learned, before they become their true selves.
     I am so grateful that my daughter forced me to define my husband’s role.  As a stay-at-home mom, I sometimes get so bogged down in homework, taxi rides, and laundry that I don’t recognize my husband’s efforts to keep us all afloat financially, physically, and emotionally.  Without a chain, my nest would have nothing to hang from.  My life would be less stable, less love filled.
     I am also grateful that I now have a visual reminder of my role:  the responsibility I have to always maintain a safe and nurturing place for my kids to land, to be themselves, learn, and grow.  When something inside my kids hasn’t hatched yet, I need to be patient, warm and gentle.  If I’m not, if I’m jarring and demanding, I will inadvertently crack their shells, their fragile egos, in the most delicate places.  And as unpleasant as the idea is that a mama bird eats food, breaks it down, and then regurgitates it into the mouths of her baby birds, the metaphor is there for my role as my kids’ mom:  to ingest everything they need to know about life and their faith, break it down into small bits that they can comprehend, and feed it to them slowly, consistently, with repetition, ad infinitum.
     As I thought more about my daughter’s questions, I heard a voice in my heart ask, “Where is God?”  As a mom who is trying so hard to weave God into every aspect of my motherhood, it is obvious to me that God is the wire.  He is what my nest is created from.  He is the one who gifted me with these beautiful children.  It is His love that runs through each one of them, connecting them to each other, and to me.  He is what anchors us to my husband, and to all that is good in our lives.  The necklace is a wonderful reminder that these little birds are only mine for a short while.  I need to rely on His guidance to equip them for success before they fly away.  When they do take flight, it will be through His grace that they soar!
     Like all little kids, Jocelyn LOVES to repeat her questions.  Every time I wear that necklace now she asks,  “Where am I?  Where is Zack?,” etc. ,etc.  When she is finished with her questions, I ask her, “Where is God?”  I help her answer, “He is surrounding everything, and running through it all.”
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For more information about MOPS, and to find a group in your area, visit www.mops.org.  For information about the group in Windham, NH, contact TJ O’Loughlin at treiter98@hotmail.com
Posted by at 6:49 PM

2 comments:

  1. You got me a bit teary here…so beautiful.

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  2. Thanks for commenting Jess. I have to admit, I was a bit teary writing it. 🙂

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Going To God With A Wheelbarrow

On hearing this Jesus said, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick.  But go and learn what this means, ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.'”  
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         Matthew 9:12-13
     This is how I want to live.  I don’t want to put my time and energy into sacrificing.  The second I go on a diet, or give up something delicious for Lent, all of my focus and energy gets stuck on wanting that: craving Cheetos, obsessing about chocolate.  I admire people who can cheerfully do this, offering the sacrifice up to God.  But I am not one of them.  I get irritable and downright miserable, dragging everyone down around me.  I see no grace or blessings in that wretched sink hole.
     Instead, if I focus on pouring out mercy on people, I am inspired to help, give of myself, and feel God’s presence as I’m doing it.  Suddenly my needy kids become a source of purpose, a place where I could pour out mercy twenty-four hours a day and still be able to give more.  Now the cranky woman at the grocery store becomes a personal challenge:  if I pour out enough kindness on her, maybe she’ll smile, or, at the very least, soften.  Instead of trying to avoid the difficult mom that I always run into, I make a bee line for her, hoping to show her maybe one silver lining in the slew of problems she’s always complaining about.
     However, what is critical for me to remember in this “campaign of mercy” is that I can only show as much mercy as I’m willing to accept from God.  For it all to be genuine, it has to be God’s mercy that I am showing, giving to others, not my own.  If it’s just my mercy, that well runs dry fast, and I’m left feeling drained, unappreciated, and resentful.
     God is always ready and willing to pour out mercy on me, to soak me in it, to drown me in it, if I allow Him to.  But I have to ask, and I have to ask big.  If I go to Him with a tea cup-sized request, He will fill that tea cup to the brim, so much so that drops spill out.  But a tea cup takes minutes to empty.  No.  I need to go to God with a huge-sized request, a request so large that I’ll need a vessel with wheels to contain it so I can still move about when He fills it to the top.  It may not be as pretty as my tea cup with dainty roses on it, but if I truly want to be a source of mercy to others, I’m going to God with a wheelbarrow!
Posted by at 10:00 AM
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Telling The Whole Story

His disciples asked Him what this parable meant.   Luke 8:9
     For a while now I’ve been telling my kids stories from my childhood.  They love hearing about the silly things I did, mistakes I made, and what things were like back then.  But the real reason I tell my kids stories about my childhood is I want to teach them to be grateful for the wonderful life we have, and to put things in perspective for them.  Telling them that I lost TV privileges for talking disrespectfully to my parents reinforces why I take away their screen time when they are disrespectful to me or my husband.  Hearing that my mother threatened me with “going to bed without dinner” when I complained about food makes them realize that I’m not some terrible ogre when I threaten to do the same.  It’s amazing how hearing how their sweet and kind “Narnie” disciplined me makes them more readily accept my rules, and the repercussions when they break them.
     Lately I’ve been ramping up the boys’ responsibilities around the house.  At eight and ten years of age, they’re more than capable of doing more, and should be contributing to the household.  I’ve been going on and on about the chores I was required to do as a kid, listing the things I was doing at their ages:  vacuuming, dusting, folding laundry, scrubbing toilets, you name it.  I was one of seven kids.  We all had to pitch in.  It’s just the way it was, and we did it without complaint (for the most part).
     Today was the day I decided it was time to clean and vacuum our mini-van (something I haven’t really done in eight years).  Today was also the day I decided that all three kids should help me do it (something they’ve never done in their four, eight and ten years).  As we were heading down the basement stairs with disinfectant wipes, vacuum hose and accessories, and their pouty attitudes, I was again going on and on about how at their age I was cleaning my mother’s car, inside and out, all by myself.  With tears in his eyes, Zack said, “Why do you always tell us how mean Narnie was.  She seems so nice.”  It was then that I realized that although I use stories to teach my kids things, I haven’t been telling them the whole story.
     Jesus often spoke in parables.  He knew that people connected most to the things that were familiar to them.  It also was a way to teach them things at their level, without talking down to them.  But there were times when even His stories confused people, like in the scripture passage above.  As a farmer scattered seeds, some fell on a path, some on rocks, some amongst thorns, and some on good soil, each with different results.  Although Jesus thought He was talking in simple terms, the disciples still didn’t understand.  They had to ask what each scenario meant.  So Jesus went on to explain the significance of the path, rocks, thorns and good soil.
     Likewise, I have to go the extra step with my stories so that the meaning is clear, with no room for misunderstanding or confusion.  Otherwise, my kids are going to miss the point every time.
     As Zack pointed out through his tears in defense of his grandmother, I didn’t clarify why my mother had us all pitch in to help around the house.  I never explained that it wasn’t to torture us, or to only help her chip away at the pile of dishes and mountain of laundry that she was always getting buried under.  It was to teach us that family doesn’t just play together, family also works together.  I didn’t explain that I was grateful to my mother for teaching me that life has responsibilities and tasks that need to get done.  No one gets a free ride.  We are all supposed to contribute, to help out, to lighten each other’s load.  If we don’t learn this as children, we grow up to be lazy and spoiled adults who just take: not very attractive at all, and certainly not what I want for my kids.
     There are so many lessons I have learned from my mother, and from Jesus’ example, that I want to pass on to my children.  But I have now learned that if I’m going to use story as a means to teach my kids, I can’t just tell them half the story.  I need to go the extra step and teach them by telling the whole story.
Posted by at 6:58 PM

1 comment:

  1. Wonderful insight to a common experience. Thank you for sharing.

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