Venting vs. Slandering

Whoever slanders a neighbor in secret I will reduce to silence. Haughty eyes and arrogant hearts I cannot endure.   Psalm 101:5

1.30.20 Venting vs. Slandering Pixabay

Photo Courtesy of

Jocelyn is now in fourth grade. As early as last year, a pattern developed between two of her friends where they would fight and put Jocelyn in the middle. The first girl would speak badly of the second to Jocelyn, and swear Jocelyn to secrecy. Then, the second girl would try to pry out of Jocelyn what the first girl said about her, and vice versa.

It kills me that the girl-drama already exists at this age. However, I’m trying to see the good in that.

Each time it happens, Jocelyn and I talk about what it means to be a good friend. In words she can understand, I explain that it’s human nature to get frustrated with people. When that frustration reaches a certain level, we need to vent. Like a pressure cooker, we need to release the steam or we’ll explode. But there’s a very clear line between venting and slandering.

Venting is simply recounting the story – trying to be as truthful as we can, despite our high emotion. Sometimes it’s the only way to purge all those feelings in order to see things more clearly. It’s only when our vision is clear that we can see the part we’ve played in the situation.

Slandering is a whole different story. It has bad intention written all over it. It becomes a campaign to recruit supporters to our side to justify our perspective. Like Psalm 101:5 says, we let our hearts become arrogant and our eyes become haughty in the process, elevating ourselves on the backs of the ones we’re slandering. A good friend never does that.

Despite how much I wish this drama weren’t happening so early, each time we face it, Jocelyn is absorbing a bit more of these concepts. Like a jigsaw puzzle that needs to be built one piece at a time, her ability to discern venting from slandering, and a good friend from a bad one, is going to be complete well before the age I ever figured things out.

Rumor has it that the middle school in our town is far more socially brutal than most. When I hear that, I can see how God is working in mysterious ways, preparing Jocelyn, and me, for what lies ahead.

Questions for Reflection:

     * When I’m upset with someone, do I vent to release the steam? Or do I slander?

     * Have I taught my children where the line should be drawn between the two?

6 thoughts on “Venting vs. Slandering

  1. Great and very useful advice for daughters and granddaughters!! Middle school can be very painful unless you vent and share at home.


  2. Such an important lesson, for our girls especially. I do see it happen with boys as well but not as prevalent. Either way, it can be confusing. Even as an adult, we struggle with healthy venting vs bad mouthing, not stepping over that line into negative. Also as a Christian I feel bad when I need to vent, looking at venting as a healthy outlet for relationships comes as a relief. Not to be too corny but I love reading these blogs and shifting my perspective into a healthier view point. Definitely sharing with my second grader (already happening in her grade too)


    • Ooh, so sorry to hear this is already happening for your daughter in second grade, Liz! But I suppose it’s never too early to teach our kids this valuable lesson. I do agree with you that knowing and maintaining the line between venting and slandering is challenging even to us adults. It seems whenever I need a reminder like that, my kids are going through something similar. It’s then I feel God tapping me on the shoulder, asking me to look in the mirror. Oh how humbling it is. But it’s in that humility that He refocuses me again. 🙂


  3. Whenever my kids have problems with others I flip flop like a fish between “pray for them and turn the other cheek, like Jesus did” and “they are not a good friend for you”. Maybe my advice stems from my mood. Not good! I am going to try and be more scripture focused with my advice because “THE WORD” never fails. Thanks for the reminder!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s