The First Move

Published on CatholicMom.com

This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. 1 John 4:10

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I’m not quite sure what’s going on with me lately, but my kids have been hurting my feelings a lot.

I don’t think it’s them. Their behavior hasn’t really changed much. They are teens and a tween, after all. Obviously, they lash out as an attempt to separate from me, and to grow more independent. Throw in the sarcastic culture of our family, and the stinging comments and sharp barbs are almost common place. I do draw a hard line at disrespect, though, and they haven’t been crossing that.

I think the problem lies with me. Maybe it’s all this time spent together as a family due to the pandemic. Even wonderful things can get old when there’s not enough variety.

In my hyper-sensitive state, I find myself regressing. I’m becoming a moody teenager myself: holding grudges, withdrawing into myself, wallowing in the muck of feeling misunderstood and under-appreciated.

The response that grows out of this isn’t very Christ-like at all: I want to knock my kids’ heads together, and storm out the door. What I wouldn’t give to get in my car, drive to the airport, and fly away to some tropical resort all.by.myself.

Then there’s 1 John 4:10 to put me in my place.

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2 thoughts on “The First Move

  1. I can remember to this day, Claire, the first time 1 John 4: 10 finally registered in my mind and spirit!! I was overwhelmed with tears of relief and gratitude, realizing that God loved me first, and here I was, all along in my young eagerness, thinking I had to prove my love for Him first, and never feeling I had done enough!
    As you brought out so powerfully, how He can love us humans first, who so often succumb to our selfishness and weaknesses defies all understanding. Faithfully recognizing though the truth of His enduring Love, which you surely have done, I believe is a solid path to our healing and ongoing transformation.

    Liked by 1 person

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